Little Cuss

The other day, when Ian and I were on our way into the movie theater, I saw something that disturbed me. A girl, maybe 14 years old, was walking with her friend and got into some sort of cussing match with a couple of teenage boys who were loitering in front of the theater. As far as I could tell, the only reason for this exchange was to swear, loudly, for the benefit of all within earshot. Eventually, the boy yelled after the girl "You're CRAZY!" (So original) to which she replied, while walking away, "Well, you can suck my dick and see how crazy I am then!"

(Let's just not go into the anatomical problems with that statement here.)

The point is, where did this girl learn it was acceptable to talk like that? The obvious answer seemed to be her parents, which made me shrivel a little inside because I have to admit that M. is exposed to such language by her own foul-mouthed parents.

Yes, that would be us. Because we both swear. A lot.

And I don't want to think of M. walking around some day shouting at pimply-faced boys to "Suck my dick." At the very least I would hope that she'd come up with a better comeback than that.

However, neither am I prepared to embrace censorship in order to guarantee that my daughter does not sound like she stepped, tiny and angelic, right off the set of Deadwood.

What a conundrum.

This won't be an issue for a long time, since the only thing she says now is "Bwah mwah lalala, thwwwppphhh!" (Which, for all I know, could mean "Get me my bottle, motherfucker!") and because cussing toddlers are funny. (If you don't believe me, watch this video:)

(Go ahead...I'll wait.)

Oh, haha! Whew! Cussing toddlers with beer...that's good stuff.

But my point. Yes. My point is that eventually the funny factor wears off, and cussing kids become just incredibly obnoxious. I don't want my daughter to be obnoxious. But how do I prevent this without advocating censorship?

Matilda's favorite music is Rage Against the Machine. Oh yes, since she was the womb. I know people don't believe me on this one, but it is true. That's right, Parental Advisory Warning Rage Against the Mother-Fucking Machine. I fear that someday I will be called into kindergarten to have this discussion:

Principal: So, we had some issues with Matilda today. It appears that she said to another child--wait, yes, here it is--"You can be fucking with other niggas' shit but you can't be fucking with mine."

Me: Oh dear.

Principal: Do you have any idea where she might have learned this language?

Me: ...

Principal: Ms. Sangster?

Me: Er, Rage Against the Machine?

Principal: Who?

Me: OKAY, well, I promise you that I will take care of this right away! I am SO sorry about this!

At which point I will have to explain to M. that what she should have said was, "I know you like to play with other kids toys, but PLEASE don't play with mine." Or I will have to teach her to share. Or something like that.

Parenting is hard.