Friday, March 9

Eye Candy, or, Why Micaela is So So Wrong

So I had hoped that I would never sink so low with my blog as to use it for memes, and certainly not to use it for the lowest of memes--the Hot List. But, my friend Micaela and I have been battling for weeks about a certain topic, and I warned her that if she dared to use her blog to push this particular issue, then I would have to use my blog for a rebuttal. She did, and so now I must. So, without further ado...

Why Kiefer Sutherland is NOT the hottest man on television! (for Micaela)

First, I must admit that I don't watch 24, although I am led to believe that Jack Bauer is a genuine bad-ass. Okay, so he ripped out some guy's jugular with his teeth...that is very cool; however, it does not qualify him for hottest man on television! I'm not saying that Kiefer's bad-looking or anything--I mean, if you can get past the image of him as a hillbilly Klan member in A Time to Kill, or as a rapist/murderer in Eye for an Eye, or as a really creepy vampire in Lost Boys. Sure, if you can get past all the horrible images of all the really nasty men he's played, he's maybe even a little good-looking. But hottest man on television? I don't think so. Here are the actual hottest men on television.

First, let's start out with the entire male cast of Lost, or, as I like to call it, The Island of Ridiculously Good-Looking Men. They are nearly all hotter than Kiefer Sutherland, including the A-NUMBER-ONE HOTTEST man on TV--Josh Holloway. Oh that Sawyer makes me feel all tingly inside! How anyone can rank Kiefer Sutherland above Sawyer, well, it just boggles the mind. That scruffy-lookin' ("scruffy lookin'?!") redneck is absolutely the hottest man on television. I would watch Lost just for him, but hey! There are lots of other hotties to sweeten the pot!

Lost, it's like she-porn.

Now let's move from the Island of Ridiculously Good-Looking Men to the Hospital of Ridiculously Good-Looking Men and the Number Two Hottest Man on Television--McSteamy. When Eric Danes made his debut on Grey's Anatomy, I almost had to reconsider my stance on Sawyer...almost, but not quite. Still, this scruffy-lookin' ("scruffy lookin?!"--are you seeing a theme here?) doctor keeps me loyal to Grey's Anatomy even when it totally pisses me off. Oh, and let's not forget about McDreamy or McJerky, both of whom are hotter than Kiefer Sutherland.

Next, Battlestar Galatica and the two hottest viper pilots in the Universe: Apollo and Helo

Hot, hot, HOTTER than Kiefer Sutherland!

Also, I know this one may be up for argument, but I really have a thing for Joe Dubois from Medium. Maybe it's just because he's such an amazing husband, maybe it's his sexy bed-head hair, or maybe it's his fabulous accent (yes, Micaela, he does have an accent)...or it could be that he spends his off-time killing zombies. I don't know, but he is STILL hotter than Kiefer Sutherland!

Finally, there is still a place in my heart for my Survivor babe, Jeff Probst. Hell, even Phil Keoghan is HOTTER THAN KIEFER SUTHERLAND!

Okay, okay, I guess I've made my point. Even without mentioning Chris Noth, who doesn't count anymore because he's not nearly as hot on Law and Order: CI as he was on Sex and the City.

Oh Micaela, we agree on so much, I'd hate to see this matter drive a wedge into our let's just agree that I'm right, OKAY?


Disclaimer: My scruffy lookin ("scruffy lookin'?!") husband is not on television, therefore, he does not qualify for this list. Otherwise, of course, he would be right at the top.


The Giant said...

Ok, I'm with Micaela on this one. I was right with you until you mentioned Phil. Come on! My two cents: Kiefer is hot, but he is not THE hottest man on TV. However, Phil?!!? No. Though the rest of your picks are pretty good I just can't follow you there girl.

ErinBW said...

Sorry, Keifer doesn't make my hotlist either.

Doug said...

You know, these men have thoughts, feelings; they're not just pieces of meat.

Or maybe they are; like I watch any of those shows (except Galactica).

ZParents said...

Keifer is hot in the way that gets you into trouble. Not the way that Eric Danes gets you in trouble -- you'd want to be in that trouble. No, it's the dangerous, borderline irresponsible trouble. He's hot like a rusty branding iron in a crowded pen of restless cattle, not hot like blazing torch on a remote tropical beach. I know which one I want.

Cricket said...

I have to agree with the giant on the minor point that your last few picks made me think, "What!?! was she thinking?!?" Otherwise, yes, there are many, many other hotter men on TV.

besides which, his dialogue is lame and must be exemplary of the quickness of his mind. slow mind, not sexy. there's only so many seasons that a guy can get away with repeating "trust me, i know what i'm doing" and "it's our last hope."